To have another wild weekend following on the heels of the Paranormal Bender Tour (which I realize has not been properly memorialized in a follow-up travelogue, but such is deadline) may have been more than I could take. I’m zombified, but I’ll try to keep at least the appearance of cohesion in this little log.

First up, and I can’t stress this enough, I’ve lost 40 pounds since New Years, so that resolution can kiss my bony ass. But! I never really see the pounds like other people do, I feel them. So, this is where the Activia comes in–and no it’s not just a cute little song on TV. Did you know they started lacing sugar-free Jello pudding with that stuff? It’s like a golightly before a colonoscopy and guess where the gurgling shits hit? That’s right, on the plane. Well, I squeezed tight and braved the turbulence to the johns–which I’ve always hated (fat people hate airplanes like models hate buffets). But not this time. I sat right down on that thing, my ass didn’t even drag the wall on the way down. It was roomy. One of the few times I’ve exploded with a smile on my face (well, at least out that particular orifice).

Moving on.

Jaye picked me up, as she, her son and saintly husband let me crash in her office like an illegal immigrant, she even chained me to her desk so I wouldn’t wander through their house unattended. But before that, we did actually do some stuff. We hunted through the barrios of Plano (of course, there are none) for a couple of bottles of Mad Dog 20/20 to drink during her launch party, hobo-style. Too bad we had to settle for 40z of Mickey’s.

Legacy Books is fantastic and beautiful. Kyle and Kathy and the whole crew were amazing and complimentary and we totally put out for them after…I mean read some stuff for the crowd and signed books. 60 people showed up, lots of Jaye’s family and friends, the folks from Fresh Fiction, Rosemary Clement Moore, Dakota and her honey, Tom (from the League and such) and more, more, more. Overwhelming.

Afterward we hit the Fox Sports Grill for food and drinks and chatting about filthy things with Leah Hodge and her perfectly matched husband Dallas. Those two are trouble. Then it was back to the house to french with Jaye’s amorous boxer, Oscar. That saliva hangs like hair gel.

The next day, we thrilled Dallas area booksellers by swinging by stores unannounced to sign stock and schmooze. Can I just say how impressed they were? One woman found us so vexing she prostrated herself in front of a mall, busting out her teeth and bleeding a puddle the size of a pizza pan (no joke). Jaye nearly fainted, though not from the blood. Hmm. **reminds self to analyze this event for later torture**

We got back to the house, packed up quick-like and then it was off to the Radisson, for the Dreamin’ in Dallas Conference and Book Fair (or vice versa). Hungry, we tossed our crap in our rooms and stopped by a place called Potbelly’s (which is a horrible name for a restaurant, at least until I lose 40 more pounds). It’s kind of like a subway only bigger. The decor made me chew a hole through my cheek. I wish I was kidding (I also wish I had a picture–bad blogger). That fucker bled for five minutes and then proceeded to feel like a soggy chicken breast looks when you thaw it in warm water

The book fair was awesome. Michele Bardsley swang by, along with Carrie (the bookgirl), Nicole Peeler (Peeler!), Mary-Lois (Our Economist–I’ve co-oped her, sorry Nicole), Arkansas Cyndi, Jackie Ballway and her bud Ashley and Mayflowr5 from livejournal. About midway through though, I felt the return of the Activia and after wrestling with my hotel toilet, decided to arrest the situation with a healthy plate of fried cheese sticks (do you see the logic?). Did the trick too, though for a minute there, I was considering alternative options (see photo).

The next day, we were up and about early enough to catch Roxanne St. Clare’s speech, which was fun, also met Jill Myles for the first time and got a peek at the sexy cover of her debut book, Gentleman Prefer Succubi (and there’s nothing not true about that title). Later we sat with Vicki Lewis Thompson at the luncheon and talked about movies and stuff before she gave the keynote, she’s really sweet. So unlike what I’m used to–Jaye, or myself for that matter.

After lunch was the main event. Three straight hours of urban fantasy chatter, the second two circled up like group therapy and full of Jaye and I bickering like the self-absorbed sibling pair we probably are (if the birth records ever turn up). Had a great time with the presentation and the workshop with the help of Nicole and Jill, who rolled up their sleeves and snapped their pantyhose. Ahem.

Dinner at La Cocina on DARA’s dime and thankful, we were. They had these awesome margarita/sangria swirled slurpees that could only have been better if they were served in big gulps. Rocky and Vicki let their hair down and we chatted about everything from celebrity insecurities (not ours, we’re dead inside), American idol, creepy clown paintings and the “F” word. By the time we left there, I was plastered.

Of course, there’s nothing you can do for a drunken state except feed it more booze, so when we got to the hotel and found Nicole and Mary-Lois and Dakota sidled up to the bar sippin’ Hendricks and tonics with cucumber and smoldering, it was time for some pre-hair-o-the-dog (I like to be proactive). Also, apparently, for some Rock Band, which I needed three glasses of wine before making a fool of myself 12 times singing (Now…I’ve heard there’s a youtube video or two floating around, can’t be certain though).  Dakota is a maniac on the skins, but ended up wearing a blanket like a diaper to cover her snootch.  Fun was had, also Girl Scout cookies.  Sigh.

It really was a great weekend, I love all the DARA folks I met and am really grateful for friends like Leah and Frannie for letting Jaye and I crash their swanky affair with our pottymouths. In the end, Jaye and I and Nicole and Mary-Lois dragged our tired asses out for Thai food and gorged ourselves. Here’s post gorge…

But, now that I’m home I’ve got something new to scream about. Rachel from Bitten By Books gave me an award for best blog (also to The League of Reluctant Adults), cuz she’s awesome. Wanna see it?

At some point, I will pass on the favor, but not today. I’ve got to eat some more Activia, to wash away my eating sins. Good day folks, expect things to be really sporadic, I’m nearing the end of Battle of the Network Zombies and that’s going to take my time for the next two weeks.

Ciao!