What I will do is a couple of stock signings, while I’m in both cities and then twitter the locations of the signed books. Doesn’t make up for the lack of connection with readers, which sucks, but it’s what we have people.

Talk soon.

A while back, a friend of mine, Kat Richardson (Greywalker series), attended DragonCon and hung out with Rob (not short for Robert, as far as I can tell **not verified**), drinks were consumed and apparently, to hear Kat tell it, Rob turned out to be a crazy long-haired Mark Henry doppelganger, only tiny and more geeky…a lot more. So when she popped up on Twitter–late, I might add–I decided to get her to follow me, because I’m a fan of the reverse stalking. And she did, of course.

Crazy attracts crazy.

A couple of months later she’d infiltrated the League of Reluctant Adults and filled us all in on her plight to survive in the dog eat cat world of publishing. Times are hard for urban fantasy’s littlest transgendered author and I hope you can help.

Her new novel, ROADKILL, releases today, March 2nd, and needs your support. Do you like the show Supernatural? Do you like hot guys in tight jeans with monsters in their pockets? Do you like embarrassing pictures of midlist authors? Well, all this week, I’ll be humiliating Rob in an attempt to flip her mild midwestern aesthetic into some gangsta ass shit (see inset).

Also…there’s a contest.

I’m putting together a photocollage of my efforts in ridicule, which I shall frame lovingly and get Rob herself to sign for one lucky winner!

Also!!!

Since I haven’t read Nightlife (the first in the Cal Leandros series), I’ll be snarking up a copy as I go. Jotting secret notes and other horrors and generally making fun of Rob. THEN…another lucky winner will win the evidence.

That’s right. To say these prizes are GRAND is an understatement. One of a kind, bitches.

So, you’re asking, what do I have to do to help my favorite trannie and get ahold of some high art?

It’s easy.

1. Buy a copy of ROADKILL by Rob Thurman

2. Scan the receipt and email to me (at) markhenry (dot) us. NOT mark (at) markhenry (dot) us! Since that one doesn’t exist.

3. Twitpic a copy of the receipt to @mark_henry

4. Sit back and congratulate yourself on your intelligence and sexual allure.

I’ll choose the winners next week, probably on Monday, either way, you’ll know. That’s it. Super easy. Plus you were going to buy them shits anyway, right?

Wow. It’s 7:30 pm here in the great Pacific Northwest and I’m nearly done in. Yep. Today was the launch for Battle of the Network Zombies and I’ve been spread super thin between vlogging and fielding questions on guest posts and loading crap onto YouTube. Arggh.

Anyways…Battle is out, go get it if you like zombie smut, or if you just like me and want me not to have to give up this writing gig. Actually, that’s a bit dramatic because I’ve still got stories in my head, so I’m pretty sure I can keep this train rolling. Hopefully.

Here’s the places you’ll find me…

Seattle Geekly interviewed me for their author spotlight podcast which you can snag on iTunes, or their website.

I vlogged at RAO reviews about the series and Save Amanda Feral.

And finally, the big launch party is going on over at Bitten by Books. I did a record breaking 5 vlogs, including a brief reading and a little preview of my YA stuff (I even reveal my pseudonym–gasp).

Wow. Exhausting but fun. And ongoing. Swing on by and chat. I’ll be around.

1. Painting. For Valentines Day, Caroline and I opted for sore muscles followed by the drugged haze of left-over painkillers. We finally transformed the family room/kitchen into something NOT resembling an apartment.  Here’s the before and after…

2. I had a periodontist visit which I Live-Twittered completed with pictures. Dr. Madden was so excited about the prospect of my dental porn that she volunteered her very own personal paparazzi for some “up close and personals” like this beauty here (please note mouth speculum)…

I’ll have you know, those gums are in recovery like an old drunk, but that’s beside the point, because the closer I look, the more I want to get Zoom whitening. Jeeeesus!

Oh yeah and…

3. I’ve been revising the holy fuck out of the young adult book, but that’s just boring work stuff. What’s not boring is the fact that Battle of the Network Zombies is out next Tuesday and I guarantee you you’ll find something in it that shocks/offends/titillates you or, frankly, I’m not doing my job.

Here’s a link round-up for y’all. Just in case you wanted to win some shit.

Love Romances and More calls Battle of the Network Zombies “a fun story that will have you giggling like mad.” Read more…

Vicky over at Fresh Fiction says it’s ”a hysterical page-turner with one-liners and characters that gets more unbelievable by the page.” Read more…

Shell at Bitten By Books urges readers, “Do NOT miss this book!” Read more…

Mandi at Smexy Books calls Road Trip of the Living Dead “fun, fast-paced and different than any other urban fantasy series out there.” Read more…

And…because he loves his tagline (and so do I), here’s what Zombie Joe has to say: “Battle of the Network Zombies is similar to dislocating your shoulder during sex – it is really uncomfortable in spots, but you are enjoying yourself too much to stop.” Read more…

Moving on from the reviews, there are two contests running right now…

The Qwillery has pulled together quotes from my peers to make me blush AND there’s a ZOMBIE DEVIL DUCKIE in the offing!!! Get thee to a Qwillery!

Amberkatze is giving away books and shiz! Go see! (Someone left a bitter comment. LOL)

And while we’re on the topic of winning shit, might I mention that I won the RuPaul’s Drag Race dragulator contest and got lots of stuff to wear while snarking up the show with my pal, Heather Osborn. So here’s the pay-off for wading through all my review shiz. Markita Henry (and not Martika cuz this is her)!

One last thing.

SAVE AMANDA FERAL!!!

If you don’t know how, click here!

2. I’m still fouling up copies of my books at University Bookstore. So while you’re Saving Amanda Feral you can get something out of it for yourself: personalized snark in every book you buy! You know you want to.

That’s all!

Yes folks. Release Day/Week/Month/59 Days is upon us. Happy Hour of the Damned is trickling into your back pockets from bookstores all over the place (or so I’m reading on twitter and such). And there are tons of events going on to promote the release. Yesterday’s Twitter explosion was very nearly overwhelming thanks in large part to Rob Thurman’s big giveaway and so many retweets I was left reeling.

But it’s not over yet! Today, I’m over at Bitten By Books for a 24 hour event full of Vlogs (count ‘em 4!) and so much filthy interaction you’ll all be in need of a shower.  I’m also interviewed at Chez Casa Emma Petersen, with contests at both places so head on over and comment, interact, maybe later we can make love.

Speaking of Bitten By Books, you might notice a certain banner ad over there for the next month. In prime position. Thanks much to Rachel and my good friend Renee George for making that happen. I love it…

Now feel free to swipe that shit and put it on your blog, website, ass. Anything helps to spread the word. In fact, here’s some more places to shout and enter to win stuff…

Unbound (buy Happy Hour and win the next two books in the series!)

Funny paranormal romance author Dakota Cassidy is offering up a chance to win the book of your choice if you pick up Happy Hour!

Zombie Joe has an offer you can’t refuse (particularly if you live near him) and sums up what’s going on with Save Amanda Feral nicely.

If you want to meet my stalker, swing by Nicole Peeler’s blog for a run down of why she loves me and Amanda!

Stacia Kane is offering up cover flats of her soon to be released Demon Possessed and Unholy Ghosts!

Last, but certainly not least, Michelle Bardsley has a rockin’ contest running. Check it!!!

*********************************

That’s it. Get to it. I figure we’ve got about 59 days before the reorders stop at some major retailers. Please show my publisher you want more Amanda Feral by picking up the mass market paperback of Happy Hour of the Damned. Don’t wait. In a couple of months the decision will be made and done.

Here’s a handy list of retailers if you’d like to shop online. If you’re heading out to the stores and don’t see it on the shelf, ask the bookseller about it. Hell, have them order it special. That will put it on their radar.

And thanks, seriously!

So needless to say, I was squeeful when I got my greedy little hands on this nugget.

Can you guess who’s who? Correct answers (must name all three) will go in the hat for the chance to win a signed copy of Battle of the Network Zombies or the brand new Happy Hour of the Damned mmpb.

So get to guessing! I’ll give you the weekend.

Selling books is stressful. I ain’t gonna lie and never forget that as writers (and I know a lot of y’all are) we are also on the sales team.  I did a huge online push for the first trade printing of HAPPY HOUR OF THE DAMNED back in 2008 which seems like forever ago. Back then, it felt like I’d become ubiquitous…primarily because people were commenting on my livejournal that I’d become ubiquitous. They were seeing the book everywhere…and leaving it where they saw it.

Now, that’s an exaggeration. Lots of people bought and read the book, just not enough to make a dent in my advance, so that zombie chick right there has hit the skids (oddly enough the premise of the 3rd book revolves around a totally crappy lack of funds for poor Amanda), and by skids, I mean that her story might just come to an end with the third book, BATTLE OF THE NETWORK ZOMBIES (coming February 23rd).  So, I started this whole Save Amanda Feral thing, which all y’all have been super helpful with spreading around here and there.  And I just wanted to pop in and remind you guys that the mmpb is supposed to be in stores this coming Tuesday, February 2nd. So buy lots and often and tell your friends…all of ‘em.

Here’s a snazzy little banner for your blogs and such linking back to my Save Amanda Feral/homepage…

…Post it, share it, print it, flyer your hometown, whatever. Seriously. Here’s the html code…

<img style=”visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;” border=0 width=0 height=0 src=”http://counters.gigya.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bT*xJmx*PTEyNjQ3MTIyMTUwNTUmcHQ9MTI2NDcxMjIxNzE2NiZwPTQ1NTkzMiZkPSZnPTEmbz1hMTU3OTNiODNkNGI*OTY*Yjg2/ZDMxMTRlNGE4NDdlYSZvZj*w.gif” /><object type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” data=”http://files.bannersnack.net/app/swf2/EmbedPlayerV2.swf?hash_id=20e6184dfadcadd3fbcc319ffb298673&clickTag=null&watermark=1&bgcolor=#000000″ width=”336″ height=”280″><param name=”movie” value=”http://files.bannersnack.net/app/swf2/EmbedPlayerV2.swf?hash_id=20e6184dfadcadd3fbcc319ffb298673&clickTag=null&watermark=1&bgcolor=#000000″><param name=”allowFullScreen” value=”true”><param name=”bgcolor” value=”#000000″><param name=”allowScriptAccess” value=”always”></object><noscript><a href=”http://bannersnack.com/” title=”BannerSnack – the free flash banner maker”>Banner maker</a></noscript>

And thanks a ton. I’ll be doing lots of giveaways, guest blogs and interviews between now and the end of February so I’ll keep y’all updated with more regularity (now that one really was a bowel movement reference).

Thanks!

I figured I’d get to it one day, but was in no hurry, for as far as I knew, they’d scrapped it in lieu of the whole Sense and Sensibilities and Sea Monsters thing. Well, then I see this…

Sure. I grumbled. It was a whole lot easier to think of the project being shelved than the fact that someone else had beaten me down bloody. *coughstevehockensmithcough* And seriously, all the best to the guy. But now, I am forced to share. How could I not.
::weeps::
So now, for your Friday afternoon reading pleasure. A scene from the never-gonna-happen-sequel… Consider it Fan Fic…

**********************************

The defense against an infestation of zombies is as suitably agreeable an occasion as any for chance encounters between old friends or the odd spot of matchmaking. Such incidents did occur by happenstance and more than a little arrangement, at the most important and foundational party of the handsome and personable Mr. Darcy and his new bride, Lizzie, a couple more prepared for the practice of deadly arts, an unmentionable would be hard-pressed to shamble upon. That particular reception played out thusly:

“Are those not strawberries atop the cake, dear Lizzie?” Georgiana gestured toward a delightful array of sweets on trays, the tiered cake being centermost.

“I know how you love them so, Georgiana.”

“You’re ever so kind.” Cake was sliced and proffered on the delicate family bone china, tiny rose vines veined the lip.

“No. It is you that is kind,” Elizabeth implored to Georgiana. “Your help with my many letters afforded me the opportunity to practice new and even deadlier arts with Master Chow Gou. My skill with the long-chained mace is improving greatly.”

The two passed the Master, holding court amongst Elizabeth’s neighbors in the drawing room. Adorned in a robe of crimson, embroidered with a ferociously spined dragon coiled from a hiding spot behind the moustached oriental’s waist, Chow Gou regaled the crowd with tales of battle and Chinese spirit ghosts. Gasps were audible and many. Elizabeth smiled to think of him having such an agreeable moment.

She slipped onto the verandah, Georgiana gliding in her wake. The hem of their dresses shirred the slate and almost concealed the grating footsteps of the pair of unmentionables rounding the corner.

“Oh Lizzie,” Georgiana’s voice was heavy with disappointment. “Surely not at your first engagement as a Darcy. It really is uncalled for.” To the zombies, she chastised, “Too much. Really. This is simply the outside of enough.”

The first, once a woman and without shoes, stumbled on the bare bones of feet, clacking, the other trapped behind a tall potted shrub, lacking the understanding that it could simply stumble around it and instead, clawing at the wall and breaking branches from a lovely ficus.

Elizabeth was mortified. Pemberley was her home now, and she preferred her shrubbery manicured and unbroken. She was already reaching for a throwing star when Georgiana said:

“It is truly Master Chow Gou who is kind to offer his aide in these most trying times.”

“Certainly,” Elizabeth agreed and launched the sharp star across the gap where it struck the zombie between the eyes, dispatching it verily and completely. The woman fell next, thudding to the ground in a soft heap.

***************************

And that’s all you get, in its totally unedited glory. I shared a few ideas, as much as I could pull together on 2 hours sleep a night (as anyone who has seen an RT recap post knows, it’s not the most relaxing of cons), but a month later was given the sad news.

Addendum: credit where credit is due. Austen scholar Osborn insisted on the phrase “outside of enough,” which I can’t stop saying in everyday speech. Thanks, Heatha!

So it goes. Good luck on the book’s success. Has anyone read Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters?

This holiday season was especially fun, despite that pesky manuscript that so desperately needed to be off to my agent by the end of December and is still stuck in my hard drive (though the momentum is building, oh yes it is).  Spent tons of time with family and friends and Caroline got me one of the most awesome gifts ever, if you don’t think so, just take a peek…

She zombified me!!! Who wouldn’t love that? The artist’s name is Robert Elrod and I’m all kinds of grateful for the hard work he put into the piece. I ran right out and got a nice frame for the art and stare at it everyday while I’m writing. Well not everyday. That’d be creepy.  Feel free to pop on over to Elrod’s site and get yourself monsterized.

Next best thing about the holidays? Snarktrip!

Our good friend Heather showed up out of the blue and demanded we take her to Forks for a sparklevamp pilgrimage. The whole trip is pretty much over-documented on Twitter (it’s true, try a search on #forksyeah and see if I’m lying). Richelle and Heather even talked Caroline and I into reinacting scenes from the movie. They’re atrocious and we’ll cherish them forever. Take this little wonder…

I was shooting for angsty and ended up just looking old, oh well. Luckily I don’t give a shit. It was a great day. Full of torrential rain, a horrifying Taco Bell that catered more to its extensive insect customers than the fifteen or so horny mormon guys rearin’ to go on their missions (I just hope they were carrying Tums in their backpacks), and a side trip to La Push (home of shirtless werewolf boy bands). It could only be described one way: sparkly.

Getting back to this post’s cranky opening. I thought I’d just make it clear that it’s not a natural thing for me to filter my imagination for a less mature audience. I’ve been watching my language so much in my recent writing that the adult urban fantasy I’ve been planning to tackle next is bound to be drenched in piss. It’s like meth labs, close one down and two pop up, or that saying about gray hair, pull one and ten come to its funeral. It’s definitely an interesting dynamic and I’m happy with the results in the YA. My self restraint seems to be bringing back all that teen angst. So in the end it’s a good thing.

So what’s next. Well. The Amanda Feral series is still in trouble and just about the only thing that is going to save it is a good showing on sales for the reissue of Happy Hour of the Damned. So, I’m doing a virtual author even on January 26th through the University Bookstore in Seattle.  I’m still figuring out the details, but for sure you’ll be able to order the mass market paperback with a personalized (read nasty as hell) inscription and I’ll be doing various things that day, including a video reading and a live twitter. So stay tuned for more on that!

And that’s all I got, except to say Happy New Year. May it be prosperous and filled with whatever it is makes you happy, whether that’s money or promiscuous sex or fart jokes, whatever. I’m not doing any formal resolutions this year, other than I’m writing everyday before I do anything else.

What’s in store for you?