…or just, you know, me. And other peeps!

Though, while we’re on the topic of what’s current in fashion (see what I did there?) let’s talk about my friend Synde’s new jewelry line, under the design name: CEMETERY CAT. She’s trying out some Chthulu and steampunky shiz that really is hot snatch. Check it out here and then buy ’til your genre wallet is empty (food is overrated, after all), and tell her it’s because of me, ’cause daddy’s poor and needs a kickback like a motherfucker!

So it’s release day and that doesn’t just mean we’re all going to gasm (that can be done on your own time, thank you). What it means is I’ll be clueing you in on some hawt reads. Grab a pen and paper.

First up on the auction block is pal, Mario Acevedo. This world renowned d-bag has “written” another tale in his Felix Gomez vampire series, WEREWOLF SMACKDOWN, which, I’ll have you know was not the original title. I’m privy to that info and don’t mind sharing it here. The Werewolf Super SEX Club. Why? Publishers? Why must you strip away the pleasures? Anyway, the book came out recently and you should hustle down to your local bookstore and snag that bad boy before someone uses it as toilet paper. A book is a terrible thing to waste…or use to sop up waste.

Next up, infamous bad girl Carolyn Crane. I hear her book, MIND GAMES, is a thinly veiled autobiography. That she’s homebound is no secret. She toils at her computer, is chained to it by anxiety and does, in fact, enjoy the delights of Mongolian Beef (and no, that’s not a porny slur about Chinese weiner, though Carolyn does have a past, so…). So give Mind Games a shot, I’m sure it’s better than anything Mario could come up with.

Oh Gayle Ann Williams. I hardly know you and yet here I am pushing TSUNAMI BLUE like I was your freakin’ publicist. Is it the photos of Roche Harbor, you tease me with so relentlessly? Burgers consumed in full view of the world’s most scenic island inlet? You, ma’am are a dirty minx! And I’m sure your book is full of the same sort of treachery. Add this one to your pile folks. There’s no telling what Gayle will do to you if you don’t!

Richelle Mead’s new Georgina Kinkaid book hits shelves today. SUCCUBUS SHADOWS. Even the name sounds dirty. I for one can’t wait to see how John Cusack deals with the aftermath of 2012. Also, if you ever have a free afternoon, Richelle is offering Georgina tours of Seattle. See the infamous bookstore where Georgina met Seth. Witness ACTUAL succubi plying their carnal trade…or not. But pick up the book, it’s in trade so it makes a sexy smacking sound when you swat someone’s ass. Just sayin’. No need to pitch a fit.

The last new book is THE MAGE IN BLACK by my good friend (and nemesis) Jaye Wells. In this one, Giguhl and Sabina strike up a torrid cross-species affair. What’s that you say? Sexxorings? Yep.  Mampires (mage/vampire mixedness) need just as much love as snarky hairless cat demons. Seriously, I got a look at this bad boy long ago and it was sooooo hot. And funny, I’ll give the bitch that.  ALSO!!! You know who’ll be at my house later this afternoon? Jaye, herself. She’s agreed to come and do a private reading for me and my wife. She’s thoughtful like that…and smutty.

Actually…Jaye and I and our invalid traveling companion, Richelle Mead, are hitting the road for Portland to enthrall (horrify) an audience of fans (unsuspecting browsers) at Powell’s at Cedar Hills Crossing (Beaverton, OR) at 7:00 PM. We’ll be reading, goofing off and maybe giving away tater tots. Don’t miss it!

THEN!!! As if all that weren’t enough…it’s NORWESCON!!

There’ll be panels, signings, and even some late night porn read by yours truly. I’m bringing the dirty. Jaye and Jeanne Stein will be there and I hear Team Seattle will be up for BarCon, so come one, come all.

You know where else, Jeanne Stein will be? Hanging out at Chez Henry with Jaye. Watch for Twitter updates on Easter. I’m planning to terrorize them with a big brunch on the waterfront!

THEN, if that weren’t enough shit. On Monday, April 5th, 7 PM at the University Bookstore in Seattle. Jeanne, Jaye, myself and one Cory Doctorow, will be throwing a booksigning party. Be there or will judge you and we have a list of names. Yes we do.

PS. the above blurbs may contain actual lies.