How awesome is Thom? A while back, he popped onto a blog I was guesting and asked me to share my dream casting for my books. Apparently with  a specific agenda in mind…

So needless to say, I was squeeful when I got my greedy little hands on this nugget.

Can you guess who’s who? Correct answers (must name all three) will go in the hat for the chance to win a signed copy of Battle of the Network Zombies or the brand new Happy Hour of the Damned mmpb.

So get to guessing! I’ll give you the weekend.

Apparently, copies of the mass-market paperback edition of HAPPY HOUR OF THE DAMNED have started hitting store shelves (at least in Canada), so I’m taking a short break from revising the young adult book to revisit the beginning of the zombie smut movement (that was not a bowel joke, presumably). A ton of stuff has happened since I first sold this series to Kensington, not the least of which was a total recession…and, yes, I am talking about my hairline.

Selling books is stressful. I ain’t gonna lie and never forget that as writers (and I know a lot of y’all are) we are also on the sales team.  I did a huge online push for the first trade printing of HAPPY HOUR OF THE DAMNED back in 2008 which seems like forever ago. Back then, it felt like I’d become ubiquitous…primarily because people were commenting on my livejournal that I’d become ubiquitous. They were seeing the book everywhere…and leaving it where they saw it.

Now, that’s an exaggeration. Lots of people bought and read the book, just not enough to make a dent in my advance, so that zombie chick right there has hit the skids (oddly enough the premise of the 3rd book revolves around a totally crappy lack of funds for poor Amanda), and by skids, I mean that her story might just come to an end with the third book, BATTLE OF THE NETWORK ZOMBIES (coming February 23rd).  So, I started this whole Save Amanda Feral thing, which all y’all have been super helpful with spreading around here and there.  And I just wanted to pop in and remind you guys that the mmpb is supposed to be in stores this coming Tuesday, February 2nd. So buy lots and often and tell your friends…all of ‘em.

Here’s a snazzy little banner for your blogs and such linking back to my Save Amanda Feral/homepage…

…Post it, share it, print it, flyer your hometown, whatever. Seriously. Here’s the html code…

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And thanks a ton. I’ll be doing lots of giveaways, guest blogs and interviews between now and the end of February so I’ll keep y’all updated with more regularity (now that one really was a bowel movement reference).

Thanks!

Does anyone remember a while back when I spilled the beans that there’d been a request for proposals about the sequel to Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and that I put together some sample pages amidst the madness of the Romantic Times Convention in Orlando, thereby stressing me out to the point of near constant irritable bowel syndrome? Well, regardless, during her recent visit at Chez Henry, one Heather Osborn (Tor Editor, Chronic Twitterer, Bon Vivant) almost talked me into posting my sample pages.

I figured I’d get to it one day, but was in no hurry, for as far as I knew, they’d scrapped it in lieu of the whole Sense and Sensibilities and Sea Monsters thing. Well, then I see this…

Sure. I grumbled. It was a whole lot easier to think of the project being shelved than the fact that someone else had beaten me down bloody. *coughstevehockensmithcough* And seriously, all the best to the guy. But now, I am forced to share. How could I not.
::weeps::
So now, for your Friday afternoon reading pleasure. A scene from the never-gonna-happen-sequel… Consider it Fan Fic…

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The defense against an infestation of zombies is as suitably agreeable an occasion as any for chance encounters between old friends or the odd spot of matchmaking. Such incidents did occur by happenstance and more than a little arrangement, at the most important and foundational party of the handsome and personable Mr. Darcy and his new bride, Lizzie, a couple more prepared for the practice of deadly arts, an unmentionable would be hard-pressed to shamble upon. That particular reception played out thusly:

“Are those not strawberries atop the cake, dear Lizzie?” Georgiana gestured toward a delightful array of sweets on trays, the tiered cake being centermost.

“I know how you love them so, Georgiana.”

“You’re ever so kind.” Cake was sliced and proffered on the delicate family bone china, tiny rose vines veined the lip.

“No. It is you that is kind,” Elizabeth implored to Georgiana. “Your help with my many letters afforded me the opportunity to practice new and even deadlier arts with Master Chow Gou. My skill with the long-chained mace is improving greatly.”

The two passed the Master, holding court amongst Elizabeth’s neighbors in the drawing room. Adorned in a robe of crimson, embroidered with a ferociously spined dragon coiled from a hiding spot behind the moustached oriental’s waist, Chow Gou regaled the crowd with tales of battle and Chinese spirit ghosts. Gasps were audible and many. Elizabeth smiled to think of him having such an agreeable moment.

She slipped onto the verandah, Georgiana gliding in her wake. The hem of their dresses shirred the slate and almost concealed the grating footsteps of the pair of unmentionables rounding the corner.

“Oh Lizzie,” Georgiana’s voice was heavy with disappointment. “Surely not at your first engagement as a Darcy. It really is uncalled for.” To the zombies, she chastised, “Too much. Really. This is simply the outside of enough.”

The first, once a woman and without shoes, stumbled on the bare bones of feet, clacking, the other trapped behind a tall potted shrub, lacking the understanding that it could simply stumble around it and instead, clawing at the wall and breaking branches from a lovely ficus.

Elizabeth was mortified. Pemberley was her home now, and she preferred her shrubbery manicured and unbroken. She was already reaching for a throwing star when Georgiana said:

“It is truly Master Chow Gou who is kind to offer his aide in these most trying times.”

“Certainly,” Elizabeth agreed and launched the sharp star across the gap where it struck the zombie between the eyes, dispatching it verily and completely. The woman fell next, thudding to the ground in a soft heap.

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And that’s all you get, in its totally unedited glory. I shared a few ideas, as much as I could pull together on 2 hours sleep a night (as anyone who has seen an RT recap post knows, it’s not the most relaxing of cons), but a month later was given the sad news.

Addendum: credit where credit is due. Austen scholar Osborn insisted on the phrase “outside of enough,” which I can’t stop saying in everyday speech. Thanks, Heatha!

So it goes. Good luck on the book’s success. Has anyone read Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters?

Caroline started taking down Christmas today, which is a funny phrase, like she brought out the boxes with the intention of stripping our house of spirit. That’s just silly, of course, since we all know the only thing that can strip the spirit out of you is writing a YA manuscript, but that’s another story (and a bit of an exaggeration, but only a bit).  The truth is, I love Christmas, the sparkly lights, the gift giving, even the rapid weight gain and sugar migraines hold a soft spot in my heart and aching brain pan.

This holiday season was especially fun, despite that pesky manuscript that so desperately needed to be off to my agent by the end of December and is still stuck in my hard drive (though the momentum is building, oh yes it is).  Spent tons of time with family and friends and Caroline got me one of the most awesome gifts ever, if you don’t think so, just take a peek…

She zombified me!!! Who wouldn’t love that? The artist’s name is Robert Elrod and I’m all kinds of grateful for the hard work he put into the piece. I ran right out and got a nice frame for the art and stare at it everyday while I’m writing. Well not everyday. That’d be creepy.  Feel free to pop on over to Elrod’s site and get yourself monsterized.

Next best thing about the holidays? Snarktrip!

Our good friend Heather showed up out of the blue and demanded we take her to Forks for a sparklevamp pilgrimage. The whole trip is pretty much over-documented on Twitter (it’s true, try a search on #forksyeah and see if I’m lying). Richelle and Heather even talked Caroline and I into reinacting scenes from the movie. They’re atrocious and we’ll cherish them forever. Take this little wonder…

I was shooting for angsty and ended up just looking old, oh well. Luckily I don’t give a shit. It was a great day. Full of torrential rain, a horrifying Taco Bell that catered more to its extensive insect customers than the fifteen or so horny mormon guys rearin’ to go on their missions (I just hope they were carrying Tums in their backpacks), and a side trip to La Push (home of shirtless werewolf boy bands). It could only be described one way: sparkly.

Getting back to this post’s cranky opening. I thought I’d just make it clear that it’s not a natural thing for me to filter my imagination for a less mature audience. I’ve been watching my language so much in my recent writing that the adult urban fantasy I’ve been planning to tackle next is bound to be drenched in piss. It’s like meth labs, close one down and two pop up, or that saying about gray hair, pull one and ten come to its funeral. It’s definitely an interesting dynamic and I’m happy with the results in the YA. My self restraint seems to be bringing back all that teen angst. So in the end it’s a good thing.

So what’s next. Well. The Amanda Feral series is still in trouble and just about the only thing that is going to save it is a good showing on sales for the reissue of Happy Hour of the Damned. So, I’m doing a virtual author even on January 26th through the University Bookstore in Seattle.  I’m still figuring out the details, but for sure you’ll be able to order the mass market paperback with a personalized (read nasty as hell) inscription and I’ll be doing various things that day, including a video reading and a live twitter. So stay tuned for more on that!

And that’s all I got, except to say Happy New Year. May it be prosperous and filled with whatever it is makes you happy, whether that’s money or promiscuous sex or fart jokes, whatever. I’m not doing any formal resolutions this year, other than I’m writing everyday before I do anything else.

What’s in store for you?

Man! I was supposed to post my Save Amanda Feral Contest Winners on Monday. Yet, here it’s Friday. A big HUGE thanks to everyone that helped to spread the word and ponied up some bucks for the books.  Keep up the good work. I’m starting to hear stuff back about the campaign. I’m almost hopeful!

Without further ado, the winners of the Battle of the Network Zombies ARCs are…

Lisa Kersten and Velvet!!!

So there you be. I’m going to set up another contest soon. But until then you know what you can get me for X-mas? A preorder of Happy Hour of the Damned (mmpb) from your favorite retailer (online or not).  Only you can help Save Amanda Feral!!!

And remember, the deal with University Books (outlined here) is ongoing, if you want any of the books personalized, including the upcoming Battle of the Network Zombies, just hit me up and I’ll scoot on over there.

Now.

Tomorrow is apparently the biggest shopping day of the year and I hate to leave you without a shopping list, so here’s one…

I’ll leave you with a question…

Does anyone hate those twitter summaries that show up on livejournal? I just started doing mine, but I tried to get it to collect them like a series of random thoughts. I thought all the ones with @replies wouldn’t be there, but you know how that goes.

I talked to Duane at University Books, while signing a smutifying a stack of your orders, according to the tall man, free shipping applies until this coming Friday the 11th. After that, you’ll have to pay to have your zombie smut reach your peeps by Christmas.

So…

I’m going to extend the Save Amanda Feral Contest until Monday the 14th! Get your entries in by Noon Pacific time and I’ll post the winner in the afternoon.

For full details on how to enter, click here.

I’ve been moping around this box of ARCs for over a month now, some have gone out for contest prizes and stuff, but the bulk of them are intended for book bloggers, reviewers and booksellers. So, why haven’t I sent them? One, it costs a lot. Two, I’m not sure how effective it is to send the book out to booksellers I don’t know personally. Kind of feels like I’m spamming them, and even when I do make a connection, there’s no assurance that attempt leads to orders.

Here’s an example. I was lucky enough to get a list of independent booksellers from a friend, and I sent out 50 copies to these folks last year for Road Trip of the Living Dead’s release, but this year at a convention, when I approached one of these booksellers who I’d made a concerted effort to contact and get an ARC into their hands, I found they hadn’t even ordered a token copy to have on hand for the con.  So I looked around at the other booksellers and found, or rather didn’t find, a single copy of either Happy Hour of the Damned or Road Trip of the Living Dead. Discouraging? Um yeah.  So the third reason I haven’t sent them out is, I’m pretty discouraged.

What’s worse is, I love independent book stores. Whenever I see one, I make a point to go in and check out their stock. 99% of the time, I don’t find my book and every time it happens, I’m discouraged. Every. Time.

I don’t mean for this post to be all doom and gloom, but I could certainly use some help folks.  A while back, I got my royalty statement for Happy Hour’s first year of sales (it takes 6 months before we authors get actual figures on sales, depending on the release date, longer). Before I even opened it, I knew it was not going to be good news. We’re all aware of slumping sales and such. Yes Romance and scifi/fantasy sales are favorable, but not for trade paperbacks priced at twice the cost of a mass market paperback. I’ve read tons of thoughts on the subject and the consensus is that the trade paperback format hobbles an urban fantasy novel. I believe it. Publishers don’t have a crystal ball, I know, and it takes a village to market a book and set a price and format and all that, but really, what I’m getting at is those numbers suuuuuuuuucked (yes, that’s an actual word).

It was about that time that my frequent blogging took a nose dive. I’d only started blogging as a suggestion from an editor I’d met at a conference, and yeah I enjoyed it, but the purpose was always supposed to be promotion. That’s, of course, rarely the case with me, since I seem to be much more interested in talking about zombie movies or mocking my neighbors, which in itself is promotion, I guess. But it all gets back to discouragement.  Or rather, how I deal with it.

It seems I don’t.  I back away.  I look for distractions. I try to forget that if Happy Hour did so poorly and was released before the bottom fell out of publishing where does that put the numbers for Road Trip? I also coauthor a screenplay, change my name and work on YA projects, but that’s a whole other conversation. A more hopeful one, but one I’m not going into publicly yet.

I hate feeling this way, let alone spewing it out on you guys. I tend to be pretty upbeat and I’ve really enjoyed the opportunities, friends and experiences that have come from being published, for the most part. I wouldn’t change a thing about the decisions I’ve made. But, the power of positive thinking only goes so far.

So where does all that leave me? Well, Happy Hour of the Damned is being giving a “second chance,” so to speak, as a mass market paperback, which comes out on January 23rd.  So Amanda gets a glossy version of the original cover and a welcome $6.99 cover price.  A month later, Battle of the Network Zombies comes out with a revisioned cover that’s more “graphic” and comic, which is fitting considering the graphic sex and comic stuff inside.  If, and I’m hoping that’s a generous “if,” Happy Hour does well in the new format, we might just see some more Amanda books. I’m hoping this is the case, I love my editor and I love Amanda, but the profit and loss statement overrides any lovefests.

What can you do?  Save Amanda Feral!!!

Get the word out!

Here’s the deal. I’ll give up two ARCs of Battle of the Network Zombies, some swag and other such stuff, TBD (sometimes that means really cool stuff). And all you have to do is two of the following…

1. Post a brief review of Happy Hour of the Damned or Road Trip of the Living Dead on Amazon/B&N/Borders and then let me know in a comment to this thread (either here or on livejournal). To date, Road Trip only has 9 reviews on Amazon. NINE!!!

2. Pre-order the mmpb of Happy Hour of the Damned, or Battle of the Network Zombies, pick up a copy of Road Trip of the Living dead at the all new BARGAIN PRICE of $6.00 at Amazon, and email me a copy of the confirmation. Already have yours? They make great gifts for your snarky friends. If you don’t have snarky friends, then get some.

3. Blog about the upcoming releases with links to the pre-order pages and tell me all about it. Feel free to use the Save Amanda Feral banner to link back to this post.

4. Order a signed and personalized copy of any of the books from the University Bookstore in Seattle. On the payment page, simply input, “Please send me a personalized signed copy (or copies). Contact Duane Wilkins and author for arrangements.” In the comment box and I’ll come out and write something snarky in your book and get it back to you ASAP. Again, let me know that’s in the works in this thread and we’ll be good to go.

Contest is closed!

Winners Lisa Kersten and Velvet.

Goooooo!!!!

For many, Black Friday is a day to be dreaded. A day when average fun of the mill Americans turn into demonic consumerists. After all, wasn’t it just last year that some poor soul was trampled outside a Walmart on their righteous quest for cheap electronics? A martyr, I say.

I, myself, am a diehard Black Friday shopper. I have my flak jacket ready, my butterfly knife ready to whip out and my credit card warming by the stove. We’ll be heading out at 2:00 A.M (no shit), not-so-fresh from our tryptophan comas and snarling for deals. Old Navy opens at 3:00 and promises Lego Rock Band free with purchase. From there it’s a melee. I’m planning on live twittering with photos, so if you’re not following, you’ll miss out on the horrors, the blood, the tears and the laughter.

But now, to ease your Black Friday shopping plans a bit, here are the…

BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING LISTS FOR PEOPLE WHO DON’T SUCK!!!

So there you have it. Everything you need to fill your holidays with cheer.

Happy Thanksgiving Y’all!!!!

Then there’s only one place you should be tonight…

I’ll be emceeing the event and mingling and sucking up 15th Ave. Coffee and Tea’s FREE wifi like a hooker on a dick.

If you don’t come, how can we make love?

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Also. It’s been a good 30 days for gifts.  Let’s peruse the shelf shall we?

Rachel from Bitten By Books sent this sweet ass stein as an award for winning World’s Funniest Paranormal Author in their yearly poll.  It was really excited to just be nominated, but it was way MORE exciting to win!!! So suck it!!!

In fact, so excited was I that I did a little thank you vlog for Rachel which you can see over there.

Or just click on this little youtube shiz right here…

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Also, a couple of weeks ago, I attended an old friend’s (well she’s not old, in the sense the neither am I) book club meeting and talked to the chicas about all sorts of foul sex acts, read them a story and got photographed in an expression that I can only describe as goggling. Awesome picture of the gin and tonic (w/dry ice) I was slurping up, though (make sure to click on the photo to hit up the photographer’s website).

As a present for attending, Connie (said friend) got me this awesome zombie painting…

Anyways. That’s all I got.

Back to work before I head out for the gig in Seattle!

Ciao!

Week of Tuesday 11/3

Week of Tuesday 10/27

Am I forgetting anybody? Cuz that would likewise suck!