For many, Black Friday is a day to be dreaded. A day when average fun of the mill Americans turn into demonic consumerists. After all, wasn’t it just last year that some poor soul was trampled outside a Walmart on their righteous quest for cheap electronics? A martyr, I say.

I, myself, am a diehard Black Friday shopper. I have my flak jacket ready, my butterfly knife ready to whip out and my credit card warming by the stove. We’ll be heading out at 2:00 A.M (no shit), not-so-fresh from our tryptophan comas and snarling for deals. Old Navy opens at 3:00 and promises Lego Rock Band free with purchase. From there it’s a melee. I’m planning on live twittering with photos, so if you’re not following, you’ll miss out on the horrors, the blood, the tears and the laughter.

But now, to ease your Black Friday shopping plans a bit, here are the…

BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING LISTS FOR PEOPLE WHO DON’T SUCK!!!

So there you have it. Everything you need to fill your holidays with cheer.

Happy Thanksgiving Y’all!!!!