Barely. But in the end, here I am safe and sound and ready to recap an eventful weekend that will forever be known as Team Seattle Con (Oh…but Richelle is seething at those words). Three straight days of togetherness, mockery, and HIGH art! I’ve already talked about Cherie and Caitlin’s signing (and if you’re reading this on my Burlesque of the Damned blog, sorry, I’ve all but abandoned my 1st born blog these days, you can catch up here), which was fantastic and if you’re local and you missed it then you suck.

Saturday was a long one, cleaning the house, shopping for groceries and liquor like it was my secret shame (the first one is), also setting up the upstairs for holiday craft time! Made my Sandra Lee Meatballs (Semi-Homemade, bitches!) that involve French Dressing, Orange Marmalade and soy sauce, and an alternative XXXmas playlist. The theme of the night did seem to be porn, as Caroline found the Directv porn channels now included BONUS movie descriptions. And with fine cinema like Who’s Nailin’ Paylin and Dr. Filthy’s Cream Poles 5, who doesn’t want to know more?

The drinks of the evening, because I’m certain you want to know, were the Peppermint Stick Martini and the Caramel Apple Shot!!! So guaranteed to give you a hangover, all you need to recreate the experience is have a friend slam you in the back of the head with a carving board.

Here’s the specs:

Peppermint Stick

1 ounce Peppermint Schnapps
1 1/2 ounce Creme de Cacao
1 ounce Half and Half

Shake with ice and strain into martini glass, add candy cane for garnish and to turn that shit pinker than panty stains!

Caramel Apple (and dear God help you, this tastes like melted sex)

1 shot Sour Apple Pucker
1 shot Butterscotch Schnapps

Shake with ice and pour yourself one fat ass shot, or two polite ones for guests!

Every year we have a white elephant gift exchange (which is apparently not politically correct, though I’m not sure I understand why, nor do I care, in case you’re considering explaining), because where else could you acquire these fantastic parting gifts?

That’s right! You’re not seeing things. That is the KISS trivia game in keepsake tin box alongside the Spongebob Squarepants digital thermometer! See that big blocky safety head? Now I won’t keep losing thermometers in my colon (YAY!!!). Synde got me the Travel Writing book, which I totally love and if I could would be my second job for sure. She was thoughtful enough to wrap it in this lovely paper…

….which, if Sid Haig doesn’t turn your cold callous Holiday Heart into Tiny Tim’s goose-eatin’ bundle of hope, then nothing will.

Remember when I said holiday craft time? Well I wasn’t kidding. Here in this candid but, I think you’ll agree, poignant still life, Team Seattle (and auxilliary, but minus Kat and Richelle), make with the creation of gift bags and tags…

They also made with the naughty talk, but I’m not supposed to bring that up.

Today, we went to Ellen’s Cookie Party, hoping the entire time not to be snowed in and forced to break the bank on some $300 a night hotel (Seattle’s a tad pricey in the accommodations department. Here’s TS (not transsexuals) engaged in pastry decor and blurry as hell–did I mention I was hungover?

My primary order of business was the creation of the ultimate in zombie cookie outbreaks, but the best I could manage were this pair of corpses suffering from matching traumatic brain injuries (I am particularly proud of the gingerbread man’s severed arm gore)…

In this shot the lovely and talented Kat Richardson is really too excited about hot apple cider. Really. Too. Too. Too. I did try some and it was delicious as were the plethora of cheeses and charcouterie.

Zombie cookies aside, what cookie party is complete without a non-descript mystery cookie? Here’s mine…

I’ll make it easy for you in handy multiple choice format.

Is the above cookie…

a) Bleeding Heart of Fatima.
b) Dreidel gone horribly wrong.
c) Festive holiday but plug with unfortunate crunchy residue.
d) All of the above.

That’s all for now. Thanks for playing!